I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell
by The Amazing Miss M
Summary: Remus has something to say, but will he ever find the time or place to say it?
1. Even the Stars can Laugh at You

Title: I Have to Say I love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Remus has something to say.

Part One: Even the Stars can Laugh at You

Sirius stood and looked up at the dim apartment. He didn't want to go home, home was cold and empty. After seven years of living in a dorm it was odd to be the only one. He had asked all of his former roommates if they would room with him after Hogwarts, but James married Lily a few months later, Peter's mother wasn't letting him move out and Remus hadn't wanted to be a burden. Sirius had tried to protest that Remus would never be a burden, but his friend had been adamant about not wanting to live with Sirius. _'And now he doesn't even return my owls or anything.'_

Sirius sighed, he didn't like to think of Remus living off on his own. Who knew what he was doing for full moons, or how he was supporting himself. The Ministry had made sure that few people would risk the hiring of people with Remus's 'problem' and the man had never taken proper care of himself anyway. Some people within the order said that Remus's withdrawals were signs of unstableness, and that he should be kicked out or locked up. Sirius and James were nearly always able to put these people in their place, but it was becoming harder and harder as Remus withdrew more and more.

_'Why bother?'_ Remus had asked the last time James and Sirius had confronted him about the issue. _'People hate me, that is just the way it is.'_

_'We like you,'_ James had protested. _'Misters Padfoot and Prongs would never abandon their companion.'_ Remus, however, had shaken his head and disappeared.

"Are you just going to stand down here for the rest of the night?" A tired voice said from behind him. "Because the air smells like rain, and _I_ for one don't fancy getting wet."

"Lily kick you out already?" Sirius joked.

James grinned at him, "You seemed a little down earlier, so Lily told me to follow you. I think her intent was that I keep you from throwing yourself off a bridge."

"Huh," Sirius said still staring at his window. "I want to go home."

"I do believe that you_ are_ home," James nudged him. "Unless we're both very lost you live in this building in front of us."

"I live here all right," Sirius murmured. "But it isn't home."

James said nothing just raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"I miss the community that we had back at Hogwarts." Sirius looked at the other man. "I miss your snoring, and Remus's fidgeting. I miss waking up to find Peter frantically searching for his missing homework."

"I don't," James shrugged. "I like being able to get out of bed and be assured that there are no dung bombs beneath my feet."

"I keep forgetting you had no younger siblings." Sirius looked back at his window.

"You hate Regulus with a deep passion," James said dryly. "You have nothing good to say about him, in fact you only rant about him and have for years. Are you really telling me that you miss having _your bother_ around too?"

"Look," Sirius shook his head. "Just go back to Lily. I am not going to commit suicide."

"No," James said softly as he reached out to touch Sirius's arm. "Come back to the house with me."

"I'll just be in the way," Sirius pulled away. "You and Lily don't get enough time alone."

"Look at it this way," James said reaching out again. "If I leave you in this state, Lily is not going to be able to sleep. She, and I, would both feel much better if you would just come over for the night."

"I shouldn't," Sirius bowed his head. "But I will any ways, for Lily's peace of mind."

The two friends both glanced up at the dark apartment once more, before apperating away.

* * *

Sirius woke up when the curtains of the room he was sleeping in were thrown back sharply. As the room was on the east side of the house the sun shown directly into his eyes. 

"Rise and Shine!" A cheerful voice chirped at him.

"You are going to make a terror of a mother," Sirius groaned as he sat up. "I pity the kid."

"You'll pity the kid right up to the point of spoiling him to the extreme." Lily grinned. "You can't fool me Black. You're looking forward to this birth just about as much as me and James are."

"Your kids are probably going to be the only ones I'll have," Sirius leaned back. "So of course I'll make the best of it with them."

"Come off it!" Lily said sharply. "You could get married."

"Be serious Mrs. Potter," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Now that I've been disinherited what do I have to offer?"

"Your stunning good looks, quick mind, and a willingness to see a women as a person." Lily replied. "You'll make a fine husband."

"Already have your gown picked out for the wedding?" Sirius hazarded.

"You bet." She smiled. "And I can have it adjusted if I am increasing at that point in time."

Sirius pulled the covers over his eyes and waited. No footsteps left the room, so he cautiously peaked over the top. Lily stood, her hands on her hips. "Are you quite done being a child?" She asked with a raised brow. "Because if you are then I'll make us up some breakfast."

"James?" Sirius asked.

"Already at work." She tilted her head.

"Ah," Sirius rolled out of the bed onto his feet. "Are you implying that I _should_ be at work."

"I know perfectly well that you have no need to work." Lily smiled as she moved through the room and out the door. "I just think you need something to occupy your time."

"So that I don't keep ending up sleeping in your guest room?" Sirius dogged her footsteps out and down the stairs.

"You know that both James and I love having you over." She corrected him as they entered the kitchen. "I think that James truly misses having you three around."

"Last night he said that he didn't miss us at all." Sirius sighed and sat down.

"No, he said he didn't miss sharing a room with you," she stuck out her tongue. "He does miss not having the whole of you around though."

"How would you know?" Sirius inquired. "It isn't like you were standing there with us in front of my building."

"I was worried about you," Lily busied herself with something from the icebox. "So I had James cast one of those 'spy' spells so that if he needed it I could immediately get to him."

"You thought I would murder your husband?" Sirius leaned back.

"Don't be silly!" she laughed. "You wouldn't hurt a tick on your dear 'prong's' head."

"James told you about Prongs?" Sirius drawled.

"I wanted him to go for Animagus, so he had to confess." Lily turned the stove on. "And Remus had told me about him being a werewolf _years_ ago. It was during our fourth year when I was chasing after him, he was attempting to scare me away I think."

"Poor James," Sirius grinned. "The girl he is chasing after, and she only has eyes for his mate."

There was silence as Lily set about making pancakes. The dishes, utensils and condiments came flying at the table from all corners of the room, this caused Sirius to duck under the table.

"Seriously now!" Lily snorted when she turned around to see where he was.

"I am Sirius," he climbed out.

"It was never funny." Lily set two plates down.

"So answer me a riddle," Sirius said after a moment of chewing.

Lily didn't answer but motioned for him to continue.

He swallowed, "You said Remus was _trying_ to scare you away, I take it that you didn't believe him?"

"I believed him, after I calculated that he was indeed gone every full moon," Lily said. "I was just a very determined person."

"We never noticed that you were going after him," Sirius mentioned.

"I was either very subtle, or Remus was just not _letting_ you guys see it." Lily shrugged.

"'Kay," Sirius said shoveling food into his mouth. "I can buy that."

Lily raised an eyebrow but the expected question never came. She held her peace for a few more minutes of Sirius feeding himself before asking, "Aren't you going to finish your question?"

"I thought I had," Sirius mumbled. "You weren't scared away by the fact that Remus is a werewolf, which was very nice of you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, but don't you want to know why I eventually gave up on Remus as a lost cause?"

"Remus isn't a lost cause," Sirius raised an eyebrow. "A little reluctant to go out into the limelight, but we can't all be Heroes, otherwise who would worship us?"

Lily grinned. "I don't get you sometimes."

Sirius smiled happily. The smile faded as Lily leaned forward. "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't have any idea what you are talking about." Sirius moved his chair away from the table slightly.

"Don't you," Lily smiled.

"No, I don't."

"Well, I'll tell you anyway," Lily considered him. "Remus told me..."

"Stop." Sirius stood up. "Look Lils, it isn't really for you to tell anyone anything Remus obviously told you in confidence."

"It wasn't really in confidence," she laughed. "He just wanted to get rid of me."

"Still," Sirius took a step back. "I don't think you should tell all and sundry."

"The only person I am telling is _you_." Lily shook her head. "And I would think that you are friend enough to Remus that he needn't worry about you spreading this all over the place."

Sirius hesitated, his natural curiosity warred with his desire not to pry into the life of a friend who had made it quite clear recently that he wanted nothing to do with Sirius. He finally sat down opposite his best friend's wife.

"Remus said that the reason that he couldn't get involved with me was because werewolves mate for life." Lily announced.

"So?" Sirius blinked. "That doesn't seem like enough of a deterrent for a determined Lily Evans."

"And it wasn't." Lily agreed, "at that point in time I romanticized being a life mate into epic proportions."

"So?" Sirius prodded when she got up to pour herself another cup of tea.

"So?" Lily mimicked. "I thought you didn't want me spreading Remus's secrets out to all and sundry."

"You are a dead women," Sirius growled.

"Relax," She sat back down. "I won't keep you in suspense for too long, but you have to admit that I am having fun while doing it."

Sirius snorted and glared at her.

"You begin to look like Snape when you do that," Lily observed.

A horrified expression crossed Sirius's face.

Lily smiled again. "Getting back to Remus, he also told me that he had already found his life mate and that I just wasn't it."

"Huh," Sirius looked up at the ceiling "A rather anticlimactic ending to your story."

"Well," Lily said. "That is life for you."

"You are an evil evil woman, you know that?" Sirius snorted. "Get me all hot and bothered and you don't even know who Remus is bound to for the rest of his life."

"Why do you care Sirius?" Lily's brow creased. "Last night you were damning him to hell because he didn't return any of your owls anymore."

"Last night I was drunk." Sirius said coldly.

"Does that mean that we can't take your inheritance and run off to the ends of the earth leaving all of our lives behind?" Lily pouted.

"I asked you that?" Sirius asked pointedly.

"You got down on your knee, in front of James no less, and asked me to forsake my vows." Lily held up her hand. "Now I find that you didn't mean them, I am completely crushed."

"I am doubting the validity of that statement." Sirius sighed.

"True," Lily nodded. "I love James too much to be crushed by a lying philanderer like you."

"I am only too happy that that is the case." Sirius said.

"Because your heart really belongs to another?" Lily suggested. "Possibly Alice, or maybe Molly, or any of the other married women you hang out with?"

"Oh yes," Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Molly, who has a son not that much younger than us, is the epitome of a women in my view."

"And who, exactly, is the epitome of a man?" Lily teased. "If you say James I just want you to know that you can't have him without a fight."

Sirius gave her a look. "Why this sudden interest?"

"Sirius," Lily stood up and walked over to his side. "I have noticed a lot of things that the other's haven't."

"I should go." Sirius stood up and backed away from her.

"I am here for you," She said softly.

"You're a great friend Lil," Sirius moved toward the living room, and it's fireplace, quickly. "But somehow I don't think you could ever solve all my problems."

"I still have two ears though," Lily followed him. "That means I can listen."

"That would be great," Sirius felt behind him for the package of floo powder. "If I had anything to say."

He found the floo powder rather quickly and tossed it in without looking. "Black Flat." He called, and was sent tumbling out of the fireplace in his apartment.

The apartment looked much like it had a few days ago when he had originally left it for the Potter's house. It was light, in as much as the sun came in through the windows; but the apartment as a whole had a sterile un-lived in feel to it. Sirius changed into Padfoot and curled up on the couch. _'Some days it just doesn't pay to be human.'_

_

* * *

_

End Notes:

Yes I did promise another chapter of BIWYW, but I have had writer's block on that story line. Now this one, it appears to be taking off.  
- Chapter title was taken directly from the song that inspired the fic.  
- Please Review


	2. Cold Comfort is Found in a Lonely Room

Title: I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Remus has something to say

Part Two: Cold Comfort is Found in a Lonely Room

There was a tentative knock on the door, which jolted Sirius out of the book he was staring at. He stood up shakily. _'And no wonder,'_ he thought looking at the clock. _'I haven't moved in three hours.'_

He walked over to the door and wrenched it open.

"Sirius?" Peter squeaked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius croaked. He coughed to clear his throat and tried again. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Okay," Peter didn't look convinced. "Well, can I come in?"

Sirius blinked at his friend, then moved aside. "I guess so."

Peter walked into the room and looked around. "You've moved the furniture since last time."

"Sorry I haven't invited you over more," Sirius muttered.

"Do you happen to have beer or something?" Peter asked hopefully. "I am not sure I can get through this without something fortifying."

Sirius looked at his friend more closely. Peter's hair wasn't in place as it usually was, his face was drawn and his eyes were haunted. He looked like a man who had seen the edge of Hell and wanted very much to forget it. "Peter," he said softly. "What happened?"

Peter glanced around nervously. "I really need a drink."

Sirius walked slowly to the kitchen despite the desperation that Peter exhibited. He was unsure of how to deal with panicked friends. Remus was always the best one when it came to calming any of the others down. Sirius tried to remember the techniques that had always worked for Remus when Peter was frantically running around the dorm room upset about _something_.

_'Screw this.'_ Sirius thought as he grabbed a couple of beers out of his fridge. _'I can't be Remus, which means Peter will get the Sirius style therapy. As much alcohol as he can tolerate before he becomes so drunk he passes out.'_

Sirius quickly returned to the living room, surprising the hell out of his guest. Peter had been looking at the valuables that Sirius had inherited from his uncle, his leap away from the case was somewhat disturbing, though Sirius was to tired to think why.

"Alcohol as requested," he handed over one of the bottles. He waited as Peter took a long drag from the bottles. "So, what happened?"

"I..." Peter began to look around furtively. "Where have you been?"

Sirius blinked again. "What?"

"I called here about a week ago and you weren't here," Peter explained. "I waited for a while before leaving, and you never showed up."

"I stayed with James for a while," Sirius shrugged. "You could have come over if you were really in trouble."

Peter looked into his bottle and said nothing.

"Peter?" Sirius sat down and motioned to the chair next to his. Peter sat down tentatively looking like he wanted to bolt. "What is going on?"

"I don't know..." Peter refused to meet Sirius's eyes. "I just have a really bad feeling."

"For over a week now?" Sirius asked slowly. "Why didn't you go to James's house, or to Remus, if it was such a bad feeling."

"Have you talked to Remus lately?" Peter asked of his bottle before downing the rest of its contents.

"No," Sirius admitted. "Only at order meetings and he tends to run off before we can get over to him."

"Yeah," Peter mumbled. "I've noticed that tendency of his too." Sirius handed him the second beer silently. "Do you remember what Snape said at the last order meeting?"

Sirius snorted. "I tend to ignore Snape on a general basis. I don't believe that the man is working for us, I think he is the worst kind of scum there is."

A weird emotion crossed Peter's face, but it was gone too quickly for Sirius to identify. "I agree." He stated. "I can't imagine why Dumbledore believes the prat."

Sirius's brow creased at the vehemence in Peter's voice--the other man wasn't known for his passionate declarations. He had often retreated to the background of their little group, and was known primarily as James's friend. "I remember James saying after the last meeting that it was spooky to think that one of the order wasn't completely loyal." Peter started a little but regained his composure. "Is that what Snape spoke on?"

"He said that Voldemort has a spy within our ranks, one that he hasn't divulged to the common group yet." Peter was taking his second bottle of beer a lot slower than the last one.

"The most obvious answer to that is that Snivellus himself is the spy." Sirius snorted. "By sowing distrust in our ranks he is making his position secure."

"That is what I thought at first as well." Peter set the bottle down on the coffee table. "But the more I thought of it, the more I came to realize that he may be telling the truth."

"That will be a first."

"Hear me out," Peter said throwing up a hand. "In recent months we've all been drifting apart. Some of it is due to things like logistics, I live at home with mum, the rest of you all have your own places and James no longer has time, because he is married."

"True," Sirius allowed, "but who are you then suggesting as our spy."

"Think about it," Peter shrugged. "You've already said that you've noticed some things. Just take it a step farther; we do have a friend for whom the Ministry has made it nearly impossible to get a job. Wouldn't that make him _more_ likely to join a group that publicly opposes the Ministry."

Rage ran through Sirius...Peter couldn't be suggesting...it was a stupid idea. "Not Remus!"

Peter blenched, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you Sirius."

"No!" Sirius stood up and glared down at his friend with the same glare he had seen his mother use time and again. "I refuse to believe this."

"Siri..." Peter trailed off as he was hauled to his feet and slammed against the wall.

"What!" Sirius demanded. "What is your proof that _Remus_ is this new spy! What are you basing these accusations on! It had better not be Snivellus or he will _never_ see the light of day again!"

"It wasn't Snape!" protested Peter. "I was just thinking. That is why I wanted to talk to you."

Sirius let Peter fall to the floor slowly. "Well it _isn't _Remus."

"Fine," Peter gasped. "But if I may ask, how do you know?"

"I just do." Sirius sneered.

The two friends looked at each other, Sirius felt his anger at the other man fade slightly as he pulled himself together.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"I'd better," Peter said as he took another drink of his beer. "My mother wouldn't like it if I came home drunk."

"Pete," Sirius looked at his friend. "Unless you've gained an extremely low tolerance over the past month you aren't drunk."

"I've still had alcohol, that means my mother will get upset." Peter shrugged.

"Mothers," Sirius sighed. "One reason, out of many, that I am glad I was disowned."

"The old bat is okay," Peter said. "I just don't like her controlling ways."

"Hmmm..." Sirius said in agreement. "You know where the guest room is right?"

Sirius barely heard Peter's affirmative grunt, before he headed off to his room. He was tired and Peter had raised some interesting questions.

* * *

The apartment was empty when Sirius woke up the next morning. Peter had left a note saying that he was going to work, and would call on Sirius again later in the week. Also in the kitchen was a slightly disgruntled owl who was impatiently hopping from chair to chair. 

"What do you have there?" Sirius pulled the letter off the owls leg. The owl immediately took off flying away as fast as it could. Sirius turned the letter over and instantly recognized his own handwriting. Another letter sent to Remus had been returned. Sirius wondered briefly if Lily was having the same trouble he was in contacting their friend. If she wasn't, then Remus was obviously upset with something he had done, in which case Lily could help them fix this. If she was willing too. _'Of course whatever it was might be so bad, like the event in fifth year, and Lily won't want to help us reconcile.'_

Sirius thought about this for a moment, he hadn't done anything. Therefore Lily, if she was in contact with Remus, would be more than willing to help him.

A quick firecall to the Potter's proved that Lily hadn't heard anything from their friendly werewolf either. _'What is he up too?'_ Sirius thought furiously. _'He'd better not be going back into that funk where we all hate him because he is _evil.

Peter's words from last night came back to Sirius as he lowered himself into a chair. Remus _was_ drawing more and more away from the group and there was nothing Sirius seemed to be able to do to stop it. Albus might be able to...

Sirius sat straight up. Maybe _that_ was it. Voldemort might have another spy within the ranks of the order, or maybe the order had another spy within the ranks of the Death Eaters. Remus joining up to spy on the opposite side seemed a lot more likely than Remus joining up with a sadistic killer. Of course Peter, being slightly gullible, would immediately pick up on the darker undertones in Snape's little speech.

_'That has to be it.'_

* * *

If one had seen the figure currently coming out of Ollivander's in Diagon Alley, they would have thought it odd. The figure was wearing tattered robes, and had an underfed look that didn't go with the expensive rates that Ollivander's was known to charge. Sirius, however, was more than happy to see that figure and hurried over before the wizard could get away. 

"Remus," he called as he neared him.

Remus Lupin started but turned slowly in the direction of his friend. "Sirius," he said hoarsely.

"Boy am I glad to see you," Sirius smiled. "I thought you had disappeared or something. All my owls have been returned unopened."

"I've moved," Remus said shortly.

"What is your new address?" Sirius asked.

"Mr. Black," Remus broke off as a coughing fit over took him.

"Remus?" Sirius put a hand on his friend's arm, only to have the arm yanked away.

"Sirius," Remus said when he regained his composure. "I don't have time to talk at this moment. I need to get to work."

"Remus," Sirius said quietly.

"No," the other man said. "I need to go."

He walked quickly away, stumbling only a little before aparating away.

* * *

Sirius woke up with a start. A voice cursing outside of his room told him that Peter was still there. He could still feel the heat of Remus's arm beneath his hand, though now he was awake he knew that he hadn't seen Remus in months. 

Sirius changed into a dog and padded into his living room. The smell of Peter and booze came at him from all angles. Under Peter's smell was the stench of fear, a bitter smell that Sirius had come to know all too well in the past few months.

Another noise brought Sirius's attention to the kitchen, he moved there more out of restlessness than out of any desire to talk to Peter. Peter was bending over the kitchen table scribbling a note. The scrape of Sirius's claws on the kitchen floor brought his head up.

"Morning Sirius," Peter smiled. "I was just heading out to work."

Sirius shifted back to human form. "Have fun."

Peter snorted. "As much as I can, I'll call on you sometime next week."

Sirius watched Peter leave his apartment with a sense of disquiet. Sirius picked up the note left on the table. It was the same note that Sirius had read in his dream.

_'What does that mean?' _He asked as he got his breakfast ready. _'And does it mean that the next time I go into Diagon Alley I'll see Remus?'_

Sirius thought about this, divination hadn't been one of the classes he had taken at Hogwarts. He had always thought it a load of crock, how could one tell anything through a dream? Now though, he was beginning to be a believer.

* * *

End Notes: 

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.


	3. All Alone in a Sea of People

Title: I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Remus has something to say

Part Three: All Alone in a Sea of People

Diagon Alley hadn't changed much in the time since Sirius was last there, at least not physically. The people, however, had changed almost to too much. The students who came to pick up their stuff for Hogwarts seemed younger than ever, and the parents looked more and more worried. The kids were being hustled about, they weren't allowed to stray, not even the older ones who must have been in Seventh Year. There was an air of desperation around, as if the witches and wizards of England expected Voldemort and his Death Eaters to come and attack at any moment.

_'Which they could.' _Sirius allowed. _'It is just unlikely that they will do something like that in broad daylight. Terrorists like that tend to prefer the shadows, thriving on the fear they create.'_

He was passing Ollivander's when he was reminded of the dream he'd had a week ago. He stopped and looked at the window, half expecting Remus to come out and dismiss him. The door to the shop opened, and a new first year exited excitedly with his mother. Behind them Ollivander was standing with his back to the door, there didn't appear to be anyone else in the shop. Sirius had to control the impulse to rush in with a finding spell, he was pretty sure that the wand maker wouldn't appreciate him doing that.

Sirius groaned and turned away from the storefront. Something black moved in the corner of his eye and before he could even think about it his hand reached out and grabbed at the movement.

"Unhand me Black." Sirius's quick movements had netted him a nettled Severus Snape.

"Sorry Snape," Sirius said as he released his grip.

"Sorry?" Snape blinked at Sirius. "Are you feeling well Black?"

"Not really," Sirius said before he could stop himself.

"Are you up to something?" Snape eyed him suspiciously. "Is one of your cronies going to jump out at me any moment? Potter is probably tied up with that wife of his, but that leaves Pettigrew and Lupin."

"I really must be going," Sirius shook his head. Peter's words were running through his head again. _'Not Remus, he wouldn't do that.'_

"Wait!" Snape called after him as he moved away.

Sirius turned back to the man a questioning look on his face.

"Why did you come here Black?" Snape asked.

Sirius felt his brow crease. "I don't know."

"I think you should get help, and soon." Snape said with a slight upturn in his voice. "Let me call Potter for you."

"I'm fine," Sirius backed away from Snape.

"I don't think you are," Snape shook his head. "You admitted as much to me."

"I'm fine," Sirius repeated. He turned around to make good his escape only he crashed into something decidedly human.

_"Remus!"_ His mind screamed briefly before his nose took over telling him that the body did not belong to the werewolf.

"Gee Sirius," James said peering down at him. "I don't think you have to bow to me or anything. I could be wrong though, do you know something about my ancestry that I don't?"

"Good thing you're here Potter," Snape said as James helped Sirius up. "I don't think the mutt is well."

"I'm fine," Sirius said, feeling like a broken record.

"You are pale, shivering..." Snape began.

"Thank you." Sirius drew himself up and wrapped himself in his dignity. "Snape. Potter." He drew out his wand and apparated before either man could stop him.

"Damn them both!" He said firmly as he made his way up the hill that the had apparated to.

* * *

Sirius groaned as he opened his eyes. He heard movements in his kitchen, though he wasn't sure who it was. He ran through his options, he could shift into Padfoot and sniff out the intruder, or he could just lie here and wait for whichever friend of his it was to come and look for him. Since self transfigurations always took so much energy he decided to just lie there. 

The sound of glass shattering on the kitchen floor had him up and through the door in an instant. He had only one piece that would make that much noise shattering and it was perfectly safe. Lily was standing in the middle of his kitchen casting noise charms.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked her with a raised brow.

"You might want to put some clothes on." Lily suggested. "We're taking you out for lunch."

Sirius glanced at his clock which told him that it was indeed time for lunch. "James skive off work?"

"No," Lily said looking him up and down. "James is _not_ part of the we in that statement."

"Lils," Sirius said patiently. "You're making no sense."

"Sirius," Lily said with a serious note in her voice. "Severus Snape, of all people, called me last night to tell me that he believed you were going off the deep end. He thought that I should have you carted off to St. Mungo's for the rest of his natural life."

She held up her hand as Sirius began to protest. "I didn't take him seriously because, let's face it, you two haven't gotten along in years. I thought he was just complaining about you and doing it to me to make James upset."

Sirius opened his mouth again but she glared at him until he l to worry. Especially when he mentioned that Snape was there as well. Snape is a very observant man, that is one of the things that makes him a good spy, James is less observant, yet _he_ saw some of what Snape saw."

"And this has _what_ to do with lunch." Sirius finally got his say in.

"_We_ are taking you out to lunch," Lily repeated her first statement. "If _we_ can't resolve your problems by the end of lunch, then _I'll_ be suggesting a counselor you can go visit."

Sirius made a face at that. "No Black has ever needed a counselor. I will not be the first."

"Your prejudices find odd times to pop up." Lily noted. "Now go get changed for heaven's sake. Or I'll be telling James that you've been exposing yourself to me."

Sirius looked down at himself, he didn't normally sleep with anything on. There was nobody home to care so why would he need too. "Fine, but no counselor. Not even if we can't resolve the issue."

"We'll see." Lily smiled.

* * *

Lily's _we_ consisted of his cousin Andromeda, Alice Longbottom, and ever formidable Professor Dumbledore. Sirius was a little unsure of how the Headmaster of Hogwarts had gotten involved in this little excursion but was somewhat thankful that he wasn't to be the only male present. 

"You haven't been eating enough." Andromeda stated the moment she laid eyes on her cousin.

"How is Nymphadora?" Sirius quickly said, hoping to distract her with the topic of her daughter.

"She's just as fine as always." Andromeda raised an eyebrow to tell him she wasn't fooled. "You should come and visit. Maybe for a week or two."

Sirius merely sniffed and sat down at the table.

"Really Sirius," Alice smiled. "One would think that you don't like spending time with children. Yet we all know that you adore baby-sitting for Molly."

"In fact," Dumbledore brightened. "You've been mentioned as Minerva's replacement."

"McGonagall's retiring?" The group asked in near unison.

"Yes," Dumbledore smiled. "In about twenty years or so. Just the right time for some one like Sirius to complete the requirements he'll need."

Sirius felt a little stunned at this. "Requirements?"

"You'll need to be an Animagus of course." Dumbledore said patting Sirius on the back when the other man choked on his drink.

"Of course," Sirius said weakly.

"See?" Lily said suddenly. The rest of the group turned to her. "You have a future Sirius!"

"In _twenty_ years, Lily." Sirius replied.

"What is twenty years to a Wizard?" Lily asked. "Is that what has been bothering you?"

"No." Sirius sighed. "My future has not been bothering me. If I wanted to do something I would have gotten a job. There are plenty of people who wouldn't mind hiring a Black to tutor their kids or something."

"When Narcissa produces a heir she'd probably be overwhelmed to have a _cousin_ come teach it." Andromeda pointed out.

"But he might taint the poor child!" Alice gasped. "How could anyone allow such a thing."

"There are other things I could be doing as well." Sirius said with a glare at his cousin. "I didn't exactly fail all my NEWTS."

"I heard that Borgin and Burkes is looking for another Staff member," Lily grinned. "You might even get back into your mother's good books that way."

"Or we could use you in the Auror Corps." Alice put forward. "I think you and James would make a great team. If you want I can mention it to Smythes when I report for duty tonight."

"I don't need to work," Sirius pointed out.

"And we're just suggesting that having a job might keep your mind off whatever it is that is making you act weird." Alice replied. "Everyone's been remarking on it."

"Sirius," Dumbledore leaned toward the younger wizard and looked at him in a conspiratorial fashion. "You might just take one of these jobs to get them off your back."

"Sir," Sirius replied. "What do _you_ think of my behavior. It is by your leave that I am in the Order, and if you have a problem with the way I've been acting I would appreciate it if you didn't tip toe around."

"These are hard times," Dumbledore said softly. "No one is quite certain whom to trust anymore. The Order has been breached according to Severus, and that means we need to be on the look out for potential dangers. Meanwhile, you seem to be slipping farther and farther away from us."

Sirius looked at the four faces. "Did you all come to this conclusion in your own separate ways, or is this instigated by one person."

"You mean me," Lily said, "By way of Severus."

Sirius didn't say anything but gave her a look.

"I came to the conclusion on my own," Andromeda spoke up. "You've been withdrawing, you don't come to see Nymphadora half as much as you used too."

"Frank and I were just finishing supper with Lily and James when Severus called her the other night." Alice admitted. "I wouldn't be here unless I felt there was some validity to the statements."

Sirius turned to look at Dumbledore expectantly.

"I will admit that Severus did call me and talk to me about you," Dumbledore nodded. "He wasn't the only one though. Someone else called me the other day and told me that they thought you were becoming a little introverted."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't see how this is a problem for anyone. I'm young, I'm rich, and I can do whatever the hell I please. Just because I am not out partying, and I have a few eccentricities doesn't mean I am dangerous."

The other four didn't say anything just looked at him with varying emotions on their faces.

Sirius turned to Dumbledore, "If you all think that I need something to occupy my time why don't you assign me something to do with the order. You know I can protect myself, you know I can cast most charms. If you're worried _give_ me something to do."

"It's not that easy," Lily said softly.

"You can't all seriously think I would do anything to endanger myself or the order." Sirius asked. "You can't think I'm the spy."

Something passed between the four others. Alice, Andromeda, and Lily all stood up and made their excuses. Lily gave Sirius a hug and secured from him a promise to come for dinner the next day. Andromeda repeated her assertion that Nymphadora would want to see him, and Alice gave him a hug.

As soon as the girls were gone Dumbledore cast a spell so he could be sure that they wouldn't be over heard. He then leaned closer to Sirius. "Would you be willing to take Veritaserum to prove that you are loyal?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"Of course!" Sirius bit off. "I've nothing to hide."

"No one is suggesting you do." Dumbledore said soothingly. "Would you like to know the reason the order doesn't send you on too many missions?"

Sirius looked at him enquiringly.

"How many Death Eaters do you know?" Dumbledore asked.

"How do you mean?" Sirius replied.

"How many people who have joined, supported, or in any other way helped Voldemort," Dumbledore said slowly. "Do you know."

"Quite a few," Sirius shook his head. "The Purebloods are a close knit group and we've all known each other since childhood."

"Exactly!" Dumbledore pounded the table. "Most of the Death Eaters have known you since birth. You all know each other and your ways. You've also made very public assertions that you will have absolutly nothing at all to do with their cause."

"Their cause is evil," Sirius stated. "Of course I want nothing to do with it. That is why I am a member of the order."

"I know this," Dumbledore murmured. "_They_ know this, and that means you aren't any good to the order. You're to well known amongst the Death Eaters, and you're well known for being against them."

"Aren't there other things I could do?" Sirius asked.

"Not in the order," Dumbledore said sadly. "What the order needs most is information, and you can't provide us with that."

* * *

End Notes: 

I have to apologize. I have no clue where the time flew too, so this update is a little late. Oops.

Please Review


	4. For, Some Parties are Torture

Title: I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Sirius has something to say

Part Four: For, Some Parties are Torture

Sirius paused and drew in a sharp breath. He hated social events, and had been avoiding them since leaving his parents house. They were loud, the people were insincere, and all in all most of the guests would hex you so much as look at you.

The footman at the door to the room where the event was being held gave him a questioning look. Sirius took another breath before nodding. The footman opened the door and announced the latest arrival.

"Mr. Sirius Black."

A hush fell on the crowd and he saw a number of startled faces among the throngs. One face smiled at him briefly, if sourly. From that little concession he gathered that his mother wasn't here, otherwise she would have held Regulus more in check. He descended the stairs and paused, watching his brother approach him.

"Is the disinherited little popinjay crawling back to society hoping for a handout?" A voice sneered to his left.

"A handout My Lord?" He asked not looking at the voice's source.

"A rich wife," The voice continued. "Though, you're no longer titled, and therefore no longer a catch."

"I still have what my Uncle willed me." Sirius nearly smiled, "Therefore you have it backwards. I am looking for a poor title to go with it."

The voice let out a snort. "Good luck."

"Thank you my lord." Sirius smiled as his brother finally finished his approach.

"What are you doing here?" Regulus snarled as he grabbed Sirius's arm and led him to a more secluded area.

"I will admit to being slightly rusty on the protocol," Sirius raised an eyebrow. "But I was under the impression that one attends these things to be seen."

"You've been thrown out," Regulus scoffed. "Who'd want to see you."

"A lot more people than will want to see you," Sirius smiled. "Especially once Mother finds out that you rushed to my side the moment I arrived."

Regulus paled slightly but held his head up anyway. "She might just come after you, I am after all the only heir."

"Bloodlines can't be erased so easily." Sirius murmured. "I will still inherit the title and quite a bit of the estate."

"What do you mean?" Regulus demanded.

"Mother should have remembered, as should you, that the title goes to the eldest son with no exceptions." Sirius examined the tapestry on the wall. "Most of the people out there will be remembering that very soon, so I wouldn't count on Mother's 'disinherited' line for much longer. I'm back you see."

"A disgrace," Regulus sneered.

"Sowing my wild oats," Sirius cocked his head. "Everyone is young and ideal at some point."

"Mother won't take you back," Regulus said warningly. "Not after what you said to her."

"I don't _want_ Mother to take me back," Sirius shrugged. "And who out there can blame me? I'll be applauded for getting read of a controlling mother. The debutantes will look on me more favorably, simply because I'm at outs with her."

"So this is all about a wife?" Regulus raised an eyebrow. "What brought this about?"

"You'll understand in a year or so," Sirius patted his brother's shoulder. "I know that I didn't understand what was so great about matrimony when I was only sixteen."

"When you were sixteen you ran away from home and got yourself disinherited." Regulus pointed out.

"You really should try it," Sirius suggested. "It's done wonders for me."

Regulus scowled but didn't object when Sirius left him. Sirius again paused to view the crowd. Not much dent had been in the ranks of the pureblooded. Such gatherings with his own circle of friends often had large gaping holes of those who had left the country, gone into hiding, or were killed by the opposite side. It was depressing to realize that the opposite was not happening. Here they were, as always, dancing, drinking, and gossiping in their eternal game.

Sirius covered his mouth as he sighed. A sigh would indicate that he was lonely, or upset. A yawn was a means of conveying boredom with the party going on around him. A suitable statement from someone who had walked away from this life three years ago. A young girl who sat nearby smiled at him briefly before her chaperone, an elderly old maid of the Malfoy line, frowned at her and at him. Apparently his depleted fortune and title were not deemed enough for the girl's attention.

"Mr. Black," A voice called to him demurely. "Always a pleasure to see you."

"Miss Malfoy," he smiled as he turned to her. "Mrs. Goyle, the pleasure is all mine." He bowed to both her and her companion.

"Sarah," Miss Malfoy said to her companion. "I think I will sit on the side awhile. Do not let me keep you from your own pleasures."

Mrs. Goyle didn't say anything, just nodded and left Sirius alone with her friend.

"Impetua," Sirius stepped closer, "You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you," Impetua Malfoy smiled and held out her hand to be kissed. "Yet I feel that your sudden arrival back into the scene wasn't just to tell me what I already know."

"You wound me," Sirius clasped her hand. "All I could think of when I heard of my disinherited state was of how that meant I could no longer be considered a suitor for your hand."

"Since you recognize the fact that you can't have her hand, you might release it." A masculine voice that Sirius didn't recognize said hotly.

"Antonin," Impetua soothed. "Sirius is an old friend, surely you can see there is no harm is a simple gesture of friendship."

"Impetua," Sirius warned as he untangled their hands. "If you would be so kind?"

Impetua gave him a mischievous look before placing her hand on his arm. "Sirius, my fiancé Antonin Dolohov. Antonin, the Right Honorable Sirius Black."

"Black," Dolohov's voice held no little warning as he shook hands with Sirius. "I've heard much about you."

"None of it good I'm sure." Sirius said blandly, "Yet we must agree that at least I no longer live at the whim of my mother."

A spark of humor entered Dolohov's eyes, Sirius reflected that he wasn't such a bad choice for Impetua, even if he was most likely a Death Eater. _'Maybe he can be convinced to spy on them like Severus does.'_ Sirius thought as he looked the wizard over.

Dolohov smirked as Sirius moved back to look at his face. He gave Sirius a knowing look before bowing to Impetua again. "Shall we dance?"

Impetua nodded to him and gave Sirius a smile. "I do hope that you don't disappear again, we have so much to catch up on."

Sirius watched the pair dance for a minute before pulling himself together. He was supposed to be looking for a wife, and staring at a women who already had a fiancé was not the best way to go about finding one. He moved about the room wondering where all the people his age had popped up from. There seemed to be a sudden influx of young witches and wizards. He wondered if the Order was aware of them, he certainly hadn't heard Severus mentioning them before.

As expected no one else approached him that night. He had alienated far too many of them for them to come rushing back the moment he reappeared. He had been surprised that Impetua had sought him out, but then she had always gone her own way.

"Well look what we have here." Severus Snape drawled as Sirius drew up alongside him. "It _is_ a surprise."

"You've already made it abundantly clear what you think of me tonight." Sirius sighed. "Would it be too much to ask to you just ignore me?"

"Oh no," Snape smiled nastily. "You and your _friends_ did far too much to me for me not to seek revenge."

Sirius didn't bother to hide his sigh this time. "I really am sorry."

"I believe you," Snape stated. "Once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor."

Sirius gave a hasty glance around the room. There were several people watching them unobtrusively. There were enough that Sirius knew he couldn't just walk away.

"Severus," Sirius said softly leaning into the man.

Snape raised his eyebrow and his eyes darted around just as Sirius's had a few moments ago.

"They're all watching us," Snape replied.

"The mama's especially," Sirius agreed. "So I bid you farewell."

Snape blinked not ready for Sirius's statement. "Farewell." He stuttered.

Sirius smirked as he walked up the stairs to leave the House. He had come, he had seen, he had been seen. That Regulus had been there had just been the icing on the cake. All in all it had been a good party.

* * *

Sirius walked up to his flat with a near jovial air. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed annoying others. He whistled a tune that had been playing at the party as he let himself into his flat. He blinked a little in the light of his living room. He hadn't thought he had left it on. He stopped whistling and walked into the room. Sitting on the floor in front of the fire was a shivering Remus Lupin. 

Sirius wanted to run across the room and pull the werewolf into a hug, but he held himself back and walked slowly to Remus's side. "Remus?"

"Sirius," Remus turned too look up at his friend. "Where were you?"

"The Parkinson's party," Sirius replied.

Remus looked surprised at that. "I thought you hadn't talked to any of those people civilly in years."

"I haven't," Sirius groaned. "And they haven't forgotten it. However, Dumbledore asked me to just go and see the lay of the land. So that means making up with them."

Remus sniffed a little, and Sirius wondered who or what he was smelling on him. "Anyone glad to see you?"

"Impetua," Sirius shrugged. "She introduced me to her fiancé. He's from out of country."

"Hmmm." Remus nodded.

Sirius looked at Remus in the firelight. He wanted to ask where Remus had been, why he'd been avoiding him. He wanted to shout and scream. He wanted to demand. Yet having Remus here was better than knowing.

"How long are you staying," Sirius asked. He needed to know, he didn't want his friend to leave to soon.

"How long can you put me up for?" Remus asked. "I would have gone to James and Lily's but it seems like intruding."

"I know what you mean," Sirius sighed.

"I can pay rent," Remus offered.

Sirius was tempted to say that Remus didn't need to do that. That friends helped friends out and didn't expect anything in return. Remus needed to pay rent though. Remus needed to know that while he had friends, he was also a person. "That would be nice."

"The full moon is next week," Remus said standing up.

"I know," Sirius stood as well. "Do you have a place to go?"

Remus hesitated, "Yes and no."

Sirius waited for him to continue.

"There is an experimental potion that will allow me to keep my mind during the transformation." Remus told him. "With it I could stay here, but we don't know if it works yet."

"I can have James and Peter come over," Sirius offered. "James and I can keep you in line."

"A stag would be pretty hard to explain in this neighborhood." Remus said dryly. "I think it would be best if I went back to Hogwarts for the change, since that is where Severus is making the potion."

"Severus," Sirius repeated.

Remus gave Sirius a look that the wizard wasn't able to interpret. "Is my room still the same?" The werewolf finally asked.

"Of course," Sirius said. "It's late isn't it."

"We'll talk more in the morning." Remus promised.

Sirius nodded then followed his guest to bed.

* * *

End Notes: 

Before anyone gets up in arms about Impetua, I created her for another story entirely. I hate her, and she isn't a good guy. She does prove a useful female pureblood for Sirius to interact with though. Mainly 'cause she was well named.

Please Review.


	5. It is Hard to Hear When Everyone's Screa...

Title: I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Remus has something to say  
Part Five: It is Hard to Hear When Everyone's Screaming

Sirius groaned when he saw who his partner at supper was. Did Impetua truly believe that he wanted to talk to his mother, or was she punishing him for some slight that he was unaware of? He only hoped, for Impetua's sake, that neither of them managed to kill each other. Though with this crowd you never knew if that would truly put a damper on things.

"Mr. Black," His mother said as he took his seat.

He looked at her in surprise. "Mrs. Black, you look well this evening."

His mother inclined her head at the compliment. "As do you, I think that your time in the world has done you some good."

Sirius raised an eyebrow but said nothing. It was safer to play it mute than to step out of line in a verbal sparing match with his mother.

"Ignoring me?" Mrs. Black raised an amused eyebrow. "Shall we see how long you can keep it up?"

"Mrs. Black," Sirius pretended confusion. "Have I offended you in some way?"

"By your very existence, my dear Mr. Black." Mrs. Black smiled. "I should have left you on a hillside at birth."

"Knowing our family I would have been discovered and raised by wolves or some such nonsense." Sirius countered. "Then I would have returned to put you in your place, below the Earth."

"Associating with Mudbloods has not lost you your wits," Mrs. Black observed. "Though I am not sure about Impetua."

Sirius raised an inquiring eyebrow, unsure of his mother's meaning.

"Since she got engaged to one of those awful foreign Wizards she has been an entirely different witch." Mrs. Black murmured. "After all, what hostess worth her salt would put you and I at the same table? Much less as partners."

"I had wondered that my self." Sirius agreed. "Especially since my stated goal of rejoining society was to meet a witch, and produce an heir for the title."

"I was surprised by this attitude." Mrs. Black inclined her head at him. "I wouldn't have thought you would give another thought to your title. I guess I always figured that you would be a bachelor forever."

"I am not doing this out of any true sentiments or love of anything." Sirius informed her. "I'm doing it for a truly Black sentiment."

"And what would that be?" Mrs. Black asked.

"Spite," Sirius smirked.

Mrs. Black laughed.

Sirius smiled and gave the table a once over. He caught Dolohov's gaze, the man gave him a small smile and inclined his head. Sirius returned the nod then turned back to his mother. "Maybe you can answer a question or two for me," Sirius said.

"Ask away," Mrs. Black replied indulgently. Sirius reflected on how odd it was that when he was openly seeking hostilities with her, his mother was almost human.

"You mentioned that there were a large number of foreign wizards in our midst," Sirius indicated the room at large with a flick of his wrist. "Do you know why they are all choosing _now_ to descend upon England?"

"I am not sure that anyone knows." Mrs. Black admitted. "Personally I think that most of them are pretenders. Just like during the French Revolution, most of them are pretending to be Eastern Royalty."

"I can't see the Malfoys being taken in by someone like that," Sirius shrugged.

"Everyone can be taken in," Mrs. Black picked at her skirt. "Not even the Malfoys are above that little affliction. However," Mrs. Black didn't seem happy. "Dolohov appears to be on the up and up."

Sirius blinked at that little bit, his mother wasn't one of those who fell prey to a compliment or two. Voldemort himself had failed to make her smile, or so it was said. She was a proud women, and no half-breed would romance her.

'_But where does that leave Dolohov.'_ Sirius wondered. _'I need to catch him alone.'_

_

* * *

_

Sirius had half expected Remus to be gone when he returned to his apartment. After a month of living with his former roommate, he was unsure of why. Remus was beginning to perk up. He no longer had such a ragged look about him. He was, however, still skittish. There was a feral quality about him, as if he expected that it would become necessary to leave civilization again. He still didn't talk about the months since Hogwarts.

Remus was sitting at his desk, which Sirius had purchased for him so that the kitchen table wouldn't get crowded, writing. Sirius wasn't yet allowed to see what the manuscript was, but Remus often laughed to himself. It wasn't the self depreciating laugh that his friends had come to expect out of the man. It was instead a laugh free of bitterness, and Sirius's heart leapt to hear it. He hadn't realized until the first he'd heard it how rare it was for Remus to be free with himself. He was always holding something back, as if afraid that his other self would come out and play a little too hard a little too long.

Sirius crossed to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He made a face as he saw what his guest was stocking. "Must we have so much meat?" He called out.

"I get these cravings," Remus returned absently. "If it bothers you so much I'll move out, but you said to get whatever I wanted."

"I meant it," Sirius protested moving back into the living room. "It just takes getting used too."

Remus smiled up at him. "I know."

Sirius found his attention being taken up by the thoughts that suddenly flooded his mind. He didn't question them, he had always suspected their existence. He moved closer to Remus and began to lift his hand toward the other man. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Lily's floated through his mind. _'Remus said he'd already found his life mate, and I wasn't it.'_ Obviously Sirius wasn't it either, Remus would have told him if he was.

"Sirius?" Remus asked curiously.

Sirius blinked, then shook himself all over like he did in his Animagus form. "Sorry," he smiled. "Just woolgathering. I guess the party tired me out more than I thought."

"You should rest then," Remus suggested. "Go to sleep and you'll feel better in the morning."

Sirius grinned at the other man. "I'm sure I will." Sirius moved away before he gave into impulse and hurt himself more than he already was.

* * *

Remus watched his friend leave the living room. He smelled the hurt and confusion permeating from him, and he didn't like it. He knew that he was the cause of Sirius's troubles, and as such he should leave the Animagus alone. He'd tried to do that, after he had left Hogwarts he had gone out into the world and tried to cut himself off from his friend. Thoughts of Sirius had brought him back though, that and a letter from Lily.

Lily hadn't come out and said anything directly, but she had sure suggested quite a bit. Her letter had been full of gossip, and the gossip about Sirius had left his blood running cold.

_Sirius has been acting somewhat strangely,_ she had written, _James found him actually being friendly with Severus in Diagon Alley the other day. Of course I then had to _rush_ to his side to see if he was still in his right mind. Though that makes one wonder what _is_ the right mind for Sirius Black? Anyway, a bunch of us took him out to lunch, Dumbledore is up to something with him though. He had this look about him. I truly fear for Sirius's sanity though, he has decided to go back into the land of his forefathers and find himself a bride. His first fore into this melee is to take place this upcoming Wednesday, at the Parkinson's annual Christmas Ball._

The thought of Sirius married had Remus packed up and out the door before he really thought about it. He still couldn't bring himself to tie Sirius down himself, but he couldn't bear the thought of another taking what was his.

He sighed and rolled up the current parchment he was working on. He looked at the door to Sirius's room. He was up and on his feet nearly before he knew what was going on in his head. He stopped himself just short of knocking on Sirius's door. He wouldn't know where to begin.

He backed out of the hallway that lead to the bedrooms. He needed to get out of this place, he needed to get away from Sirius. He needed to clear his mind, it always seemed too full when he was around Sirius.

He grabbed his coat from the hook by the door as he exited the apartment. He made it to the door of the apartment building before he decided where he wanted to go, he apparted to his destination and sighed in relief to see that no one else was around. Not that many people went into the Forbidden Forest regularly, but he'd been known to trip over one or two other's while attempting contemplation in the heart of the forest.

He gazed at the calm waters of the lake, the spring underneath it was bubbling. The stream that ran out of it created a soothing sound that always put his mind to rest. He could hear the creatures native to the forest moving around him. He knew them, they knew him. Neither would bother the other, it was a matter of respect.

'_Respect'_ He thought mockingly. _'It is only the beasties that grant me that. Humans fear what they can not control, and you can _not _control a werewolf.'_

It was one of the big things, humans were always claiming that they had respect for him. They all went on and on about how he was dealing with his _affliction_. Yet for all that none of them would give him a job, they looked at him oddly when he asked for a room. They made sure that he couldn't get anywhere near their children, as if he was contagious at times other than the full moon.

That was one purpose of the books he was writing, making human's face their fear of his kind. It was ridiculous really. A human was as likely to rampage as a werewolf, possibly more so as the werewolves tended to keep their human sides tightly controlled. It was very disconcerting to lose ones self for a day or so.

The thought behind the book was to bring another side of the werewolf story to the populace. He had solicited stories from a few of the other werewolves he knew and was compiling them in a children's book. They would still contain the usual cautionary advice, but would hopefully make the werewolves a little more human.

Remus lay back against a conveniently placed tree. Sirius would be wondering about him soon. Severus would want him to come in and test out that new potion in a little while as well.

He didn't move though, he just stared at the water and let his obligations flow away.

* * *

Sirius tiptoed out of his bedroom. The apartment was too quite, which meant that Remus had probably fallen asleep at his desk again. Sirius had no desire to wake the other man. Remus often looked like he didn't get enough sleep, and Sirius was loath to steal what little he could grab.

Entering the living room Sirius was surprised to find it empty and disorganized. A quick glance over at the door proved that Remus had taken his coat with him when he left. Sirius mentally shrugged as he walked over to the desk. The top was normally closed against his prying eyes, but Remus had left it open this time.

His name leapt out at him from one of the papers, his hand automatically moved aside some other papers so he could get a closer look. He laughed as he remembered the time recounted in the story, though he hoped that Remus would change the names around before actually showing anyone. He was fairly certain he didn't want to pay the fine for being an unregistered Animagus, even if they fudged the dates it was still a lot of Galleons per year.

Sirius finished reading the story of their exploits and picked up another page, this story wasn't from Remus's at all. The werewolf who had written this story had been born into the Muggle world. At first the story was scary, boy gets bitten during a hiking trip. Yet as the story drew to it's conclusion it brought out some good things being a werewolf had done for the Muggle.

A pop in the fireplace alerted Sirius to the fact that he had a caller.

"Black?" Severus Snape's voice sneered. "I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that you're still attracted to the werewolf."

"Must you?" Sirius asked as he put down the page, "anyway, Remus isn't here if that's who you are looking for."

"Then where is he?" Snape demanded. "He knows how important this research is, and he is jeopardizing it by remaining away."

Sirius shrugged, but refused to turn around. "He went out, I'm not his keeper you know."

"Could have fooled me," Snape laughed brittely. "And how _is_ your campaign going in the marriage department?"

"Very well," Sirius shook his head. "Thank you."

There was no reply from the fireplace, but Sirius knew it was too much to hope that Snape was gone. "And what about your campaign Snape?"

"What do you mean?" Snape shot back.

"I mean that you are also in the same predicament," Sirius turned around. "You also need an heir, especially in this uncertain time."

"I wouldn't worry about me," Snape sniffed. "There are a lot more witches willing to marry into the Snape family, than there are willing to marry the disinherited Black."

"We'll see," Sirius sighed.

Snape gave him a sneer as another head popped into the fire. "Sirius!" James cried.

"Potter!" Snape snarled. "Do control yourself when you're sharing a fire. After all, we're not all deaf like Black." With that he disappeared.

"What was the slimy git talking to _you_ about?" James asked.

"He and Remus are doing some research together," Sirius explained. "He called here looking for him."

"And where is Remus?" James said looking around the room.

"He left," Sirius sighed. "Just took his coat and left."

"Aren't you a little worried?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Remus is a big werewolf," Sirius shrugged. "He can take care of himself."

"That's a big switch from all the worry and trauma," James mentioned. "Until he moved in with you, you were worried about him all the time."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Do you have a point you want to make Prongs?"

"Not really," James snorted. "Just thinking out loud."

"I'm not the one who's there for you to think aloud too," Sirius said a little more sharply then he'd planned. "You have a _wife_ now."

James looked a little taken aback, "I think you need sleep, or something."

"I can't very well get it while you're occupying my fireplace, now can I?" Sirius gave him a pointed look. James gave him another look than disappeared from the fire.

Sirius sighed, he did need more sleep. He was used to getting up early, but recently he'd had to stay up late thanks to the parties. He shook his head and decided that bed was indeed just the thing for him. He glanced at the fire, uncertain of whether to put it out or not. On the one hand he wanted Remus to be able to firecall him if necessary, on the other he didn't want anyone to take a look at his apartment while he was out. He finally decided to leave it as it was, and trust Remus to put it out when he got home.

'_Whenever that is.'_

* * *

End Notes:

You may, or may not, have noticed that all the chapter titles changed. That would be thanks to the sites new song policy. Shrug.


	6. Landing on Your Feet is not Just for Cat...

I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell  
Author: Along Came the Spider  
Summary: Remus has something to say.  
Part Six: Landing on Your Feet is _not_ Just for Cats.

The full moon was closing in, Remus could feel it all around him. The urges that the wolf imposed upon him. The new Wolfbane potion was helping, but being near Sirius was not. Especially when Sirius came home from functions smelling of perfume and smoke.

It was getting harder to control himself when Sirius came home with a thousand scents that weren't his littering the air around him. Female scents, meant to ensnare a mate, to hold him almost against his will, until he would do anything for her. Remus just wished that they wouldn't use it on _his_ mate.

There was another scent, that he smelled more and more around Sirius. This wasn't an overly cloying sickly sweet scent like those that the witches were fond of. This was a darker, muskier, scent. One that a man might wear - or have naturally. He wanted to ask Sirius's about it, but that would most likely lead to questions about why Remus was noticing things like that, and that wasn't a discussion Remus wanted to have at the moment.

Remus smelled the visitor before he knocked. The smell brought a small smile to his face and he opened the door to welcome his former classmate.

"Remus!" Peter blinked at him, "I thought this was Sirius's apartment."

"Come in," Remus grinned. "Sirius is out for the night, I don't expect him back until late."

Peter gave him a puzzled look but entered the apartment anyway. "So you're living with him now?"

"Just until I can afford a place of my own." Remus shrugged. "This way I can work, and not have to worry about where I'm living this week."

"I guess," Peter sounded dubious. "I did hear that they've passed laws that make it harder for a werewolf to live by themselves."

"Hopefully the new wolfbane potion will ease some of the worries that the ministry has on that score." Remus sat down on the couch and looked at Peter expectantly. "It's amazing how much calmer I am when I take it."

Peter gave him a surprised look. "That's good," he looked around nervously. "When did you say Sirius was going to get back?"

"Late," Remus replied, he studied his friend, Peter was paler than normal and looked to be shedding a lot of excess water. "Is there an emergency of some kind? There are ways to get in contact with him..."

"No!" Peter jumped off the couch.

Remus's brow furrowed. "Peter, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Peter sat back down slowly. "Nothing is wrong, I'm just a bit skittish is all."

"I hadn't noticed," Remus joked wryly. "Can I help you in place of Sirius?"

"No," Peter said more calmly. "It's probably nothing, I just wanted to ask him a question."

"You're welcome to stay as long as you like." Remus offered. "I really don't know when Sirius is going to be back."

"I don't think I'll stay." Peter looked at the ground for a few moments before looking at Remus full in the face for the first time that night. "Remus?"

"Yes?" Remus leaned back, glad that Peter had finally gotten to the point where he would just spill out whatever the trouble was and he could help him deal with it.

"What do you know about Antonin Dolohov?" Peter asked.

"Not a thing." Remus admitted. "I'm fairly certain I read somewhere that he's going to be marrying Impetua Malfoy, but that is it."

Peter nodded at this news. "Impetua Malfoy is one of Sirius's closest friends is she not?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that." Remus snorted. "I think you, James and I are Sirius's closest friends, with Lily coming in behind us. I would say that they were close once upon a time, and that they are friendly now, but I wouldn't say she is his closest friend."

"Huh," Peter frowned. "There is a lot of talk about a love triangle between the three of them."

"I hardly think that Sirius is out to marry her." Remus rolled his eyes. "He had his chance, and he refused to take it."

"Sometimes it takes someone else stepping on your shoes to show you what you have," Peter murmured.

Remus stared at him. He'd been thinking of that just the other day, how it had taken Sirius going back into the marriage mart to bring himself to the conclusion that he wanted to be near Sirius. Here was Peter saying nearly the same thing, only this time about Sirius and Impetua Malfoy. _Could that be it?_ Remus wondered.

"It's probably nothing," Peter said as if Remus hadn't just stopped cold. "I just wanted to talk to Sirius and see if something was up."

"I haven't heard him mention Impetua overly much," Remus said slowly. "Or Dolohov for that matter."

"See?" Peter said triumphantly. "It's nothing."

"Yes," Remus agreed softly.

"Well, that's cleared up." Peter smiled and stood up. "Thanks Remus, you were a big help."

"Glad to have helped," Remus said somewhat automatically as he followed Peter to the door.

"I don't think Sirius needs to be worried over the fact I came by," Peter said as he stood in the doorway. "I don't think he'd like to know that everyone is talking about him like that."

"You're probably right," Remus smiled. "He's an intensely private person."

"Bye now," Peter pulled his wand out and disappeared.

Remus stared at the spot where Peter had been for a few minutes. The other man had given him much to think on.

* * *

Sirius hummed as he let himself back into the flat. While the party had been absolutely awful he had found himself a mildly intelligent companion for most of the night. He might not have been strictly following his set goal of finding a wife, or appearing to do so; but he had been moving amongst the Pureblooded looking for those who expressed discontent with Lord Voldemort's machinations. 

It looked like the cream of the crop was going to fall into Sirius's lap. Impetua Malfoy's tastes seemed to run true, Antonin Dolohov didn't seem quite like the fanatical purists that populated the Pureblooded society. He was calmer and more analytical.

"_I'm glad that you and Antonin are getting along." _Impetua had told him as he danced with her that evening. _"It will make things so much easier on us both once we're married to our respective choices."_

"_Why should it?"_ He had asked.

"_Sirius Black!"_ She had rolled her eyes. _"Are you saying that I mean absolutely nothing to you? I, for one, missed you when you were no longer among society. I would miss you awfully if you were to gain a wife and disappear all over again. Not to mention that any wife you found here would expect you to dance attendance on her at one or two of these events."_

He had nearly tripped over his feet at that statement. He had forgotten that fact when he started this endeavor. If he actually got married to one of these women, they would expect to be kept in the manner to which they were accustomed. They would also have certain expectations stemming from marriage into the Black family. Impetua was right, he would have to be out and about in society again.

He stopped humming, _'Just thinking about this is making my head hurt.'_

"Sirius?" Remus called from the living room. "You're back early."

"After Macnair challenged three different men to a duel just for dancing with his wife I thought it best to get out of there before he challenged me because he didn't like the color of my socks or something else equally trivial." Sirius called back as he put his coat away.

"Who could object to puce socks?" Remus said as he leaned against the door frame.

"Puce?" Sirius looked down and pulled up one of his trouser legs. The socks on his feet were indeed puce in color. "I swear to you I put on navy blue socks before I left the house." He looked up at Remus. "Do you think my mind is going?"

"It must be all that perfume," Remus scrunched up his nose. "Otherwise you would have realized that there was no way for me to have known the color of your socks..."

"Unless you had chosen that color." Sirius finished. "Some friend you are. Please tell me I didn't go to the party with puce socks on."

"I changed them mere minutes ago," Remus assured him.

Sirius pulled out his wand, pointed it at the werewolf and muttered something under his breath.

"What did you do?" Remus asked as he glanced down at his clothing suspiciously. He started patting himself down when he found nothing outwardly wrong.

Sirius gave him a smile and breezed past him to collapse on the couch.

"What did you do?" Remus repeated as he followed Sirius into the room.

Sirius raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

"Sirius." Remus attempted to sound threatening.

"Yes Mooney?" Sirius blinked at him.

Remus groaned and sat down on Sirius's legs. "You didn't do anything, did you."

"Nope," Sirius agreed.

Remus looked at him for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"The best pranks," Sirius said in a lecturing tone. "Are the ones that you don't do, but make other people think you did."

"I remember," Remus choked out.

"So how was your evening in?" Sirius asked.

"The usual," Remus replied. "I worked on my book some, Peter came to visit, not much else. How was your night out?"

"The usual," Sirius groaned. "I went, I danced, I talked."

There was silence in the room while the two wizards watched the fire brightly.

"Peter stopped by?" Sirius sat up suddenly dumping Remus onto the floor.

"He did," Remus picked himself up. "Wanted to talk to you, was very surprised that I was here too."

"The last time I talked to him was a few months ago, right before you moved in." Sirius said. "He came here, got drunk, and slept it off in the spare room."

"That's our Wormtail." Remus smiled. "Never really could hold his liquor could he?"

"Not so you'd notice," Sirius mused. "Not that he really drank while he was here. He had a beer - we both did. Then I went to bed and I believe he was headed to the same."

"Well," Remus shrugged. "You know his mother."

An image of Mrs. Pettigrew flashed through Sirius's mind. She was stuck up, always inspiring to be close to those higher in society than she. They, for the most part, tolerated her.

Sirius sighed. "Did Peter leave a message?"

"No," Remus shook his head. "He mentioned Antonin Dolohov and that there are rumors of a love triangle between you, Dolohov and Impetua. Then he left."

"A love triangle?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Between Impetua, Antonin and myself?"

"That was my reaction too," Remus grinned.

"Weird though," Sirius said slowly. "I guess it's because of how much time I'm spending with them."

"Really," it was Remus's turn to raise his eyebrow. "You haven't mentioned it."

Sirius looked thoughtful. "I guess that's because I don't really think of this whole business and you in the same way. I mean, you aren't in society right now, and I don't really want to deal with all that when I am not there. I just don't like mixing the two parts of my life."

"And when you finally find a woman and get married?" Remus asked. "Are you even going to invite us all to the wedding? Or would that be to much mixing?"

Sirius stared at Remus in surprise, "Of course you'll be at the wedding, if there is one. I could hardly have a wedding without my best friends!"

Remus was silent for a few moments, Sirius was about to break the silence when Remus spoke again. "I'm sorry," the werewolf said contritely. "The full moon is soon and that always makes me a little irrational."

"It's okay," Sirius brushed off the feeling that he was missing something.

"Maybe..." Remus trailed off and began to study the carpet.

"Maybe what?" Sirius prompted.

"It's nothing," Remus whispered. He got up still avoiding Sirius's gaze. "I'm still tired, I think I'll head to bed."

"Remus," Sirius stood up as the werewolf nearly bolted out of the room. Remus stopped at the doorway but didn't turn around. Sirius started to go towards him but stopped. Remus waited for a few more moments before walking away.

Sirius's heard the door down the hall shut firmly as he sank back onto the couch.

End Notes:

I finally know how this is going to end. Yay for me!


End file.
